The issues around use of language and the communities of gender-nonconforming people are some of the most interesting and challenging for me. In the end, I believe that it comes down to self-definition. As much as possible, I try to allow individuals to define themselves using the words that most resonate with them. I chatted a bit about this over at “Ask a Gay.”

The thing is that it’s a challenge to respect that kind of definition on a large-scale basis. It assumes that such a diverse community can agree on terms that work for the entirety. It even assumes that there is a singular community with a singular identity. And I’m not sure that’s so much the case.

When I’m talking about people whose born gender is different from the gender with which they identify, I, personally, use the word “transgendered,” because it’s grammatically comfortable for me. (What a great luxury to choose my use of definitional terms based on grammar.) If it’s a broader discussion, I use “gender non-conforming,” because that’s language I’ve picked up being used by others with more knowledge of the community. And it seems to be definitionally accurate, and descriptive. I will likely move toward using the term “gender variant,” which I’ve heard recently, and seems even more inclusive and neutral.

Is that clear and intelligent languaging? I’m not sure.

Is use of the term “queer” clear and intelligent? Sensitive of people’s feelings? I know it’s a term I’ve adopted because it feels inclusive, and efficient. But I’m not sure it’s descriptive. And maybe that’s why so many of us use it. (Outside of the political and social reclamation of the word.) It certainly evokes emotion for many, whether it’s empowerment or discomfort.

I also think the discussion is different based on the audience. If we’re speaking outside the queer community, the political and social consequences are quite different than if we’re speaking internally. In dialogue within the queer community, the set of terms that we might use is greatly expanded. I had someone call me a “gender-fucker” this week. It made me chuckle. I don’t think it would be the same if it was used in a political debate.

And, I find that it’s the dialogue around use of these terms that is most interesting. More interesting than the use of the terms themselves. Again, a great luxury to say that.

I’m a huge believer in the importance of words. I really am. But, as I noted in the “What’s in a Name” discussion of political terminology, I’m not sure the terms we use will ultimately make our lives more or less palatable to the world at large.

So, to answer the question, “what matters more, clear & intelligent language or people’s feelings?” I think it depends on the desired outcome. If we fail to recognize the importance of evoked feelings behind the terms we use, we risk loss of relevance, and allow ourselves to be dismissed as “fringe.” If we use muted language to advance the acceptance of our community, without buy-in from the community, any gains we make are at the expense of already marginalized individuals.

If we can, however, speak from our hearts, and recognize the willingness of those, both within and outside our community to experience the shared humanity of us all, we’ll find a way to navigate both gently and intelligently.

Thanks for the dialogue, my dear.

Kristin

Ha! I’ve answered your question with a question.
Cheers,
Gillian